This won't be an easy post for me to write. But I think I need to write it anyway. I want to write about my weight issues. Nothing shocking really, like millions of other women, I've had a weight problem for as long as I can remember.
I absolutely hate telling anyone that I'm trying to lose weight. My weight is that proverbial "monkey on my back"; telling others that I'm trying to get rid of the monkey makes it visible to all, at least in my mind. I guess for me it's extremely personal. I don't even want my husband to be involved. It's all about failure for me; the last thing I want is to be perceived as a failure. So if I just don't tell, then no one knows if I'm not reaching my goals.
I never lost the baby weight gain after JD was born (4+ years). I'm also now 44. I've noticed an obvious change in my metabolism over the last couple of years. Some of that is undoubtedly due to lack of exercise but it's such a change that I know it's also an age thing. Yippee! When we moved to Buffalo I started to gain weight. I haven't weighed myself very often but I estimate I've gained approximately 25 pounds in 3 years. Obviously this wasn't a surprise; while I avoided the scale like a plague, I could hardly not have noticed each season when I had to buy new bigger clothes. I just tucked the information in the back of my head as something I had to fix later.
I rejoined Weight Watchers Online 4 weeks ago. I won't tell you how much I weigh. But, good news; I've lost 7 pounds! Bad news, I haven't used WW since the day I plunked down my $50 for 3 months (okay, to be fair I think I used it for a week.). The good news is that I'm really trying to make changes in my diet that can last. The bad news is that I'm still not exercising. The good news, really good news, is that what I'm doing seems to be working! The bad news is that it's going to take a really long time to get where I want to be. The good news is that I feel positive and even notice a slight change in the way my pants fit. The bad news is that in the back of my mind is the knowledge that sooner or later (probably sooner) I will have a bad week and the scale won't go down or worse it will go up again.
Clearly, I've got to get a handle on those thoughts. Shuffle them around, put the right ones in the front of my mind and the wrong ones in the back. I think this mind connection is where the battle really lies. Focusing on the right thoughts won't cause me to lose weight; not directly. But focusing on the right thoughts might be the difference between stalling out after a few months and having the strength to keep going even when it feels most daunting.
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2 comments:
(technology, grr! I had my reply all typed out to you on my phone and then hit the wrong button and poof! Gone! I'll try again...)
First, I am not the best person to be giving weightloss advice. The only way I've lost substantial amounts of weight is by major life stress. Can you guess the event? I'd never want that to happen to you, nor do I ever expect it to. Tae rocks!
Anyway, what I've heard, though is that slow weightloss is the best weightloss...because the weight is more likely to stay off. Also, IMO, the best measurement of loss is how your pants fit. I'd chuck the scale (except maybe monthly weigh-ins) and judge by clothing fit. I tell you this because it's what's worked for me, and I know the two of us think a lot alike. ;)
Also, my advice is to get fitted for a good bra. And buy an awesome supporter that is majorly uplifting. I'm telling you, you will look so much better in clothing, and a better looking body will make you feel more confident. And if you feel more confident, you will feel more empowered. And if you feel more empowered, you will make better choices. See where I'm going here?
I know it's hard to put yourself first, but it is the key to feeling great about yourself. The kids are at ages where they don't need your total attention. That awesome girl who's been on the backburner all these years? It's HER turn! You can do this. I am behind you. I have never in my whole life felt better about my body...it's amazing what a little weightloss can do for your head. I'm here for you! Don't be afraid to talk about it. Don't let potential pitfalls or failure control you. YOU are in charge!! Love you!
I read your comment this morning and it made me smile! All good advice. I hope you give yourself that same pep talk every day!
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