Self Improvement Sunday

This won't be an easy post for me to write. But I think I need to write it anyway. I want to write about my weight issues. Nothing shocking really, like millions of other women, I've had a weight problem for as long as I can remember.

 

I absolutely hate telling anyone that I'm trying to lose weight. My weight is that proverbial "monkey on my back"; telling others that I'm trying to get rid of the monkey makes it visible to all, at least in my mind. I guess for me it's extremely personal. I don't even want my husband to be involved. It's all about failure for me; the last thing I want is to be perceived as a failure. So if I just don't tell, then no one knows if I'm not reaching my goals.

 

I never lost the baby weight gain after JD was born (4+ years). I'm also now 44.  I've noticed an obvious change in my metabolism over the last couple of years. Some of that is undoubtedly due to lack of exercise but it's such a change that I know it's also an age thing. Yippee! When we moved to Buffalo I started to gain weight. I haven't weighed myself very often but I estimate I've gained approximately 25 pounds in 3 years. Obviously this wasn't a surprise; while I avoided the scale like a plague, I could hardly not have noticed each season when I had to buy new bigger clothes. I just tucked the information in the back of my head as something I had to fix later.

 

I rejoined Weight Watchers Online 4 weeks ago. I won't tell you how much I weigh. But, good news; I've lost 7 pounds! Bad news, I haven't used WW since the day I plunked down my $50 for 3 months (okay, to be fair I think I used it for a week.). The good news is that I'm really trying to make changes in my diet that can last. The bad news is that I'm still not exercising. The good news, really good news, is that what I'm doing seems to be working! The bad news is that it's going to take a really long time to get where I want to be. The good news is that I feel positive and even notice a slight change in the way my pants fit. The bad news is that in the back of my mind is the knowledge that sooner or later (probably sooner) I will have a bad week and the scale won't go down or worse it will go up again.

 

Clearly, I've got to get a handle on those thoughts. Shuffle them around, put the right ones in the front of my mind and the wrong ones in the back. I think this mind connection is where the battle really lies. Focusing on the right thoughts won't cause me to lose weight; not directly. But focusing on the right thoughts might be the difference between stalling out after a few months and having the strength to keep going even when it feels most daunting.

The Day I Took a Powder, Part II

If you feel like it, you can read Part I here (or you can just scroll down a bit).

It's been a couple of days; naturally I've lost all interest in this topic. However, I'm working on follow through, so here's the rest of the story.

When we left off I had, um, retired to my boudoir for the afternoon after an emotionally difficult morning, leaving two small children to fend for themselves. I sure hope I managed to leave you in suspense just a wee bit because what really happened is...

Nothing! Nothing! See, all that set up and I discovered that, left to their own devices for a few hours they rallied to the cause, so to speak, and proved that they can in fact manage themselves quite well. I had a very relaxing time of it. I even fell asleep for an hour and yet our house isn't burned to the ground. Why this happened I'm not sure. I can go horse telling them to go play, find something to do, give me an hour, and they just can't manage it.

As far as I can tell they played cars in the bath tub, played in the tent in JD's room, dissolved some Tutti Fruitti's in some old Mike's bottles so they could have a drink like mommy (oh-oh), ate some junk food, watched a moderate amount of TV. EJ got his homework done without me hounding him. They cleaned up (sort of) when I told them I wasn't coming down to make dinner until they did. The biggest thing: NO FIGHTING! That is unheard of. That is HUGE! They actually got along swimmingly for several hours!

If I've learned anything useful it's that I should just go on strike every now and then. It seems that it's good for me and maybe even good for them. Next time maybe I'll go shopping instead. Don't worry. I won't leave them alone.

The dog is here.

The Day I Took a Powder

Sometimes you just have to be melodramatic. In a small way the weight of my days came a crashing down on me yesterday when a little boy decided that rather than cheerfully put his laundry away he would call mom stupid while tossing freshly laundered and folded clothing about.

My life isn't so bad. But some times things just get to you.

First: Dear T was on day 6 of a 7 day stretch of working. Leaving at 6am, coming home approximately 8:30pm. Gone 14 hours a day. There was one day he was home for a few hours but sorry, that doesn't count. It's not a day off unless I get to actually leave the house by myself if I want.

Second: I have plantar fasciitis and when it's hurting there are times I can barely walk. I grin and bear it, take lots of motrin, stretch and use a rolling pin on my heel in the hopes it will pass. But it's not. I've been in pain for about 4 weeks, since the weather started warming. It's probably about time I seek stronger treatment but that's another topic.

Third:  I spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry while the boys merrily played. At one point they decided to play clean up crew in which they get to do all the "fun" part of cleaning while leaving the actual cleaning up of their cleaning to me. I decided it was time to give my feet a break and sit down to fold the laundry. This is where my dear, dear sweet boy thought that putting his own laundry away was just over the top and how dare I suggest he do it.

I pretty much lost it. Here's the thing. This is him, it's not new to me and I'm trying so, so hard to be patient with him. He calls me or someone else stupid about 5 times a day. I don't take it personally but I am quite tired of it. If it had just been that, maybe I'd have let it go. But no, he had to throw his clothing about the room too. Off he went to his room. Off his laundry went too as I threw it into his room for him to refold and put away. I was not pretty, I was not particularly nice or loving and I most definitely wasn't mindful.

My poor dear unsuspecting husband chose that very moment to call and ask how my day was going. I'm sorry dear, you win the award for "worst timing of the day". Boy did he hear an earful. He patiently listened to me, used all of his best "I hear you are having a difficult time" listening skills until I heard what I thought surely was a bulldozer destroying our son's room and had to hang up.

I haven't even gotten to the good part yet. No really, there really is a good part. Much crying and cuddling ensued after which I made both boys lunch. When he was done with lunch, little boy came to where I was sitting and proceeded to make off with my slipper. Such a tiny thing. Oh so NOT worth being upset about. My slippers are never far from me. Without my slippers I sometimes limp around or walk on the balls of my feet because of the pain. And one child or another is always walking away with them. So that did it. I decided, without fanfare, without loud words of any kind that I would spend the rest of the afternoon in my room reading. That I would not do anything for a child until dinner.

I went on strike. Took a powder. Feigned a fainting spell.

Popped myself some popcorn: "mom, are you making us popcorn". Mwahahaha - AS IF! Grabbed a bottle of Mike's and went to bed with my Nook.

So what do you think happened? Did that bulldozer come back to demolish the rest of our home? Did they eat junk food, watch TV, play the Wii all afternoon? Did they leave, running amok around the neighborhood? Torture small animals?

Too bad you'll have to wait to find out. Look for Part II of "The Day I Took a Powder" tomorrow. But then I might take a powder today or tomorrow and not get around to it. Who knows? Mwahahaha....