Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hayao Miyazaki and Free Range Parenting

ponyo.jpg If you aren't familiar with the world of Hayao Miyazaki already I strongly recommend you drop everything and watch some of his animation films. Yes, they are distributed by Disney, but are so unlike any Disney animation you've seen. Beautifully done. My favorites are Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, but I haven't seen a movie from Studio Ghibli that I didn't enjoy. Yes, these are kids movies, but to be completely honest, they are almost wasted on kids. The animation and story lines are just that wonderful.

Some day I'd like the boys to see my favorites but I don't think they're ready for them yet (despite the PG rating). So today, after a not-so-great home school morning, I decided to put on a movie.  Ponyo was my choice (if you have Netflix, it's available for instant play). Ponyo is a goldfish who longs to be a human. She is rescued and cared for by 5 year old human boy Sosuke. Eventually Ponyo and Sosuke, through their love for each other (a 5 year old love, not romantic love), restore the balance of nature and save the world. Cool huh?

Something struck me today as I was watching the movie. Miyazaki is a free range parent (assuming his characters are his children).  The children this movie are highly competent it's true, but that isn't all that unusual in children's movies where children tend to be precocious. What is unusual is that the adults in this movie actually trust the children and treat them, perhaps not as equals, but as fully formed people. I don't know if this is the case in all of his movies, free range parenting hasn't really existed as a parenting concept for that long, nor was I aware of it when I watched most of Miyazaki's movies. Someday I should watch them again with this in mind.

We first see 5 year old Sosuke down at the shore near his home all alone! Later, during a typhoon, he is left caring for the sleeping Ponyo in his home while his mother leaves to check on the residents of the senior home where she works. Get this. Dad is out at sea. Mom LEAVES her FIVE year old son at home. Alone! Tells him he's in charge and she's counting on him and leaves! Their home is high on a cliff while the senior home is down in the valley, so theoretically Sosuke and Ponyo are safer than the seniors. Of course Sosuke and Ponyo rise to the occasion and save the world.

I subscribe to the idea of free range kids even if I'm not quite sure where to place those limits sometimes. Of course this is a movie and naturally not totally realistic.  Free range or not, I wouldn't recommend letting a young child play at the beach alone. Nor do I think that leaving children alone during a severe weather condition is ideal (on the other hand, if my child was safe and someone else was not I'd like to think I'd help the person in need). But I really do appreciate any media source that can portray children as strong and capable instead of under constant threat from the boogie man. We see far too much of the "our kids are in constant danger from everything, and everyone, and must be protected 24/7" hype and far too little about how much safer it is to be a kid today than it has been in the past.

As I finish up this post, my 4.5 & 7 year old are somewhere out in our safe, quiet, (mostly) traffic-free neighborhood. Hopefully they'll be home soon for dinner but in the meantime, I am confident that they are reasonably safe, working out any disagreements, and having lots of fun without mom tagging around after them. And I know it will do them a world of good as they grow up and become ever more competent to make decisions for themselves.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Getting to know JD

Do I talk about the kids too much?  I feel like I only talk about the kids. Whatever. I'm going to talk about the kid again. JD again. Because while both of the kids are on my mind most of the time, JD is the one I'm trying to figure out. Sometimes I can't believe how much anger comes out of his little body, mirrored by how much love he's capable of. If I want peace in our house I have to really pay attention to how I say things to him. I'm trying to learn to say 'yes' to him more, but sometimes its really hard. I think he has a list of "things mom said no to" that he refers to on a daily (hourly?) basis.

This morning started off rough but so typical.

1. He wakes. Sits at the top of the stairs sniffling.

Me: Hi JD, want to come down and snuggle with me?
JD: ...
JD: ...
JD: NEVER GET UP IN THE MORNING WITHOUT ME!!!!!
    (throws step stool down the stairs)
Me: Sigh....That's a new one.  Go upstairs, cuddle him. He tries to hit me. Hold him more so he can't lash out at me (I don't bother to tell him it's not okay to hit). Take him downstairs, wrap us both up in a blanket. Tell him he's like a caterpillar in a cocoon and when he comes out he'll be a beautiful butterfly. Seriously, this worked. He ended up in a much better mood. Go figure.

2. 10 minutes after breakfast.

JD: Mom, can I have a lollipop?

He asks for all kinds of food at times that I'm just not willing to accommodate. Typically this is how this scenario would go:

JD: Mom, can I have a cookie (lollipop, chocolate etc.)?
Me: No honey, it's still breakfast time. Later you can have one though.
JD: WAAAAAAAAAAA. YOU MAKE ME SO MAD. YOU ARE JUST STUPID! IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME A COOKIE THEN YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LET ME HAVE A LOLLIPOP.
         (Looking for something to physically lash out at, finding nothing kicks mom in the shin).
Me: Sigh........

But today I'm thinking. Today for once I'm the "mindful" mama. Instead it goes like this:

JD: Mom, can I have a lollipop?
ME: Yes, after lunch you can have one.
JD: Okay. La dee la dee la (runs off to play).
Me: (silently) EUREKA! I can't believe that worked. T and I exchange a look of astonishment across the breakfast table.

3. While I'm in the shower. Daddy is reading the newspaper. JD plays on the computer.

JD: AAAARG. MY INTERNET ISN'T WORKING. Dad, it's just NO fun when the internet isn't working.


I have no further comment, I just think it's funny.

4. It's raining. JD has just gotten dressed.

JD: Mom, can we go ride bikes now?
Me: (I really want to just say no, but thinking about how I can say yes)
Me: Yes, you can ride around in the garage because it's raining outside.
JD: Okay. Heads to the garage for 5 minutes. Comes in happy as a clam.


Some other stuff happened but the rest of the day was mostly a blur. I can't say I was nearly as mindful in the afternoon - my low time of day. There's always room for improvement. But I  think that I'm finally making some progress in figuring out who I need to be for this little guy to shine.
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